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I searched some strength inside me that could allow me to write you again. I don’t know when we’ve lose our way; we can’t see the point that used to guide us anymore. We have different ways to deal with the pain, lamentably. There are many things you’ve never knew about me, so many things I said and did for you. There weren’t the silences but the words the ones that lacked. I know I was cruel, I lied, I betrayed and harm you but in the end we were only delaying the inevitable. The scar did never close, you’ve never been able to see with my eyes, you never wanted to.
We get it wrong from the start and this is the end, I guess. I loved you so much, I still love you, but I can’t deal anymore with the pain. Every single word you say is a sting in my heart, and the weakness of our promise was getting us apart. I just needed you there, you don’t know how. I’m sorry things turn out this way, I’m sorry I couldn’t lie. Need just one moment of silence, need your touch, your caress, you won’t give it to me anymore. I would do it, but that’s not you. You’ll never understand. Every single word you say is a sting to my heart; I keep collecting ‘em like they were souvenirs of a failed love. I loved you so much, I still do. Keeping all that promises I made, I won’t break them, I’ve never said anything I couldn’t do. But you did, and you will break the remaining too. I’m so sorry my love; I wish I could still call you by it: my love. But you won’t, you can’t deal with the pain, I know it so well. You say you do, you said you will, but I know you so well. It’s still breaking my heart, and yes, I’m a thing, you broke me, you transformed me in a thing with all that promises and lies. Did you realize how much time, how many words, how many things I waste on you? Please, let me know you’re there, I’ll never leave you. I could never leave you, but you do. You did it once; you can’t deal with the pain. No, you can’t, I know you well my love. My sweet rotten piece of me. I just wish you the best; you don’t know how I loved you. All these tears, all that pain. All this shit I must carry on my back. You stole my heart, you know it well, and it’s so hard not to blame you, so fucking hard. You said I don’t need you anymore, but I do, really do. You said you would be with me, side by side, until I don’t want it anymore. You lied, again. I understand your pain, Can you understand mine? Every fucking single word you say is another little hole in my heart. You would never understand, I know you well. I’m sorry for all this pain, but I was there before you do, and you didn’t want to see the truth. I loved so much, still love you lot more. I’m sorry but I needed to say it, you are not my fucking placebo anymore.
